HQ Trivia is having its moment in the sun. With a $15 million infusion from a group founded by gajillionaire fun-ruiner Peter Thiel, the live trivia game is angling to become your twice-daily habit of choice.
Here’s what we like about HQ: You can (in theory) win real money and the questions are appropriately difficult.
Here’s what we don’t like about HQ: Virtually everything else.
5 ways to fix HQ Trivia
1. Fire Scott
Your usual trivia host is Scott Rogowsky, a bearded, angular man-child who enjoys shouting dad jokes. Some people love him and refer to him with the unfortunate nickname “Quiz Daddy.” But if we wanted puns shouted at us for ten minutes while we were trying to concentrate, we’d crank up the volume on our local TV weatherman while attempting to do our taxes. The New York Times says, “On first viewing, Scott can come across as incredibly annoying.” Yes. And on second viewing. And eightieth. And ninety-seventh.
Just contrast Scott’s flailing flop-sweat desperation with the calm, cool demeanor of Jimmy Kimmel when he hosted the game one night in January.
Jimmy realized that A) he’s wearing a microphone and B) if people want him louder, they can adjust their volume. He managed to be funny and relaxed. (Remember, Jimmy has trivia hosting experience. ) It’s sad when Scott’s vacation relief mimics his shouty car-dealership-commercial delivery. Relax, all you fill-ins. Be like Jimmy. Convince your bosses to kick Scott to the curb.
2. Let us keep playing
As soon as players get knocked out of the game, many simply abandon it for the day. (We wouldn’t want to spend a minute more with Scott, either.) It’s no fun watching trivia questions float by without the chance to answer. It’s fine if players are disqualified from the prizes, but you might as well let them flex their brains. If we could keep answering, we’d stay engaged, and we could feel some measure of pride from only having missed one answer.
3. Stop lying to us
In today’s quiz, this was one of the questions:
You truly expect us to believe that nearly 4,000 people couldn’t identify the main ingredient in ketchup? How did you find 1,956 backwater mutants who are smart enough to activate their phones, download the app, and still think that melted copper is the primary ingredient in a universally known condiment? Maybe 4,000 contestants were falling down the stairs and their outstretched hands landed on the wrong answer. This is weird and impossible.
4. Let us switch our answers
Because of the 10-second time limit, we’re forced to choose once and then we’re stuck. But why lock us into an answer until the clock expires? We reserve the right to change our minds like the girl Scott thought he was taking to prom. Sometimes our first answer is wrong and we should have the right to pivot to a better choice.
5. Start on time
HQ often fires up four to eight minutes late for every round. Then Scott comes on and yammers for another four minutes. That would be fine if the app had a “Sandman” option like Showtime at the Apollo . Who wouldn’t enjoy seeing Scott swept off the stage while a siren blares in the background? During this afternoon’s game, we had to suffer through Scott singing the entirety of “Meet the Mets.” It was so brutal, Kim Jong Un is considering launching mp3s of it at his enemies. Between the delays and Scott’s interminable monologues, HQ always has a rough start.
And remember, no matter how good you are at HQ, you could be battling against all-time Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings . If you’re splitting your winnings with a bona fide trivia wizard, you’ll never bring home a big prize.
If HQ doesn’t make some improvements soon, ol’ Scott will be looking to annoy a captive audience at a toll booth somewhere. C’mon, HQ. You’re better than this.
